Buddy?

I forgot to mention in my post that I really need a buddy who I can text when I'm having a tough time, I need someone to tell me to suck it up and deal with the pain and remind me of the wonderful results I will see if I stick it out. If anyone else would like the same, reply to this post and email me. I would love to have someone to talk to that understands. Peace and Love girlies*

I will not eat...

I will not eat.  I will not eat.  I will not eat.  This is the rule, everything else is bearable if I am in control in this area.  I can deal with the fact that my mom hates me and that I'm married to the wrong person if I just stay in control.  I can not think about anything else.  Because if I do everything will turn to shit. I will think about those beautiful bones and being the thinnest girl at my college. That is my goal, I will not stop until I get there.

There is nothing more beautiful than this...

My Passion or Security?

Hello my beauties! I have been unbelievably busy with school/homework, my son and everything in between but I am loving every minute! I love college and I'm working on a scholarship essay right now. I really want to win, just to be able to say I won a scholarship would look great on my resume and I am very competitive in nature so naturally I want to kick every one's ass! You see every one in a certain class I'm taking has to apply for one as an assignment and I don't want to sound cocky or mean but the majority of my class mates are not that bright. There are quite a few older people who are coming back to college after twenty years and are terrified of modern technology i.e computers so I just don't see them being capable of typing up a paper with correct grammar. I can't stand any one in my class. There is one girl who is fairly close to my to my age but she is ghetto and a little trashy (even though she could be really pretty) and she is obnoxious. I just want to go to school and do amazing. I'm not into socializing with these people. I know I sound like a stuck up bitch but you would get it if you could see the kind of people that are in my classes. I can't wait until I transfer to the university. It will be so much better than community college. But community college is cheaper to get my pre-recs out of the way and earn my associates degree. Then it's off to bigger and better things! So I am majoring in Journalism and minoring in fashion so I could write for a fashion mag but I have also been thinking about majoring in theater. My ultimate passion is centered around art. I would be so happy doing anything where I can let my creative juices flow and get paid for it. Now you may say "why even think about it, just do what you love?" Job security. Plain and simple. I love writing too and obviously that takes my creativity as well but I would love to do anything to do with the arts even more. I'm just worried about what kind of job will make me good money and if I can count on having a job with that major. So if I did major in theater there is a lolcal theater program that is very big and to work for them would be amazing on my resume. I guess I'm just worried that having a job involving the arts would not offer as much job security as say journalism. I need some opinions on this girls. And if you read this far thank you! I know I rambled on. So what do you all think about majoring in any arts degree? Not just theater give me ideas! I value your opinions!

Veggies Rule!

I know I've been away for a little while but I'm back! I've been having an emotional battle with myself lately. I am seriously considering breaking things off with my husband. We already don't live together right now and I feel that the only reason I'm still with him is for the benefit of his feelings. I'm not in love with him anymore. He doesn't make me happy and in fact I get embarrassed of being with him in public which is silly I know but I feel like everyone knows just by looking at us that we are not meant to be together. Uhgg I just need to find the courage to do it. 


So...I have decided to go back to being a vegitarian! I was before I had my son and I started eating meat during the pregnancy for health reasons. I was very anemic even with vitamins so I needed the nutrients. But I am going back because honestly I enjoy eating that way, I have never liked meat and I am very against the way that it is raised these days. Also there are a lot of dinners where I will have to resort to eating a salad and that's a great way to have the excuse not to eat dinner without looking like I have food issues!



Oh and I got a new scale! It's very cool I program my height in it and it tells me my BMI my water ration and body fat ratio, and also my goal weight and it keeps track of my last twelve weigh ins. They have it at walmart.

Love Sick

Today I started the ABC Diet so it's 500 calorie day! I do really well at restricting when I am following a specific plan so I'm thinking this may work well for me and keep me out of the binge/purge cycle.

I started reading Love Sick by Jake Coburn today. It's about a guy who is offered an under the table scholarship to keep an eye on a wealthy girl who is bulimic. I think he ends up falling for her although I haven't got that far yet. It's really good so far. Does anyone have any suggestions for ed related books (besides wasted)? I love to read and it keeps me motivated to stay on track.

Liquid Tuesday

I had planned on doing a fast today but I decided it will be a liquid diet instead,I have some V8 juice that I really want to drink and I think it will make going without food alot more bearable.

I'm getting so sick and tired of staying with my family, my mom and I have always clashed and to make matters worse the whole reason I gained weight to begin with was because they all eat like pigs. It's disgusting, and my mom bakes some kind of fattening sweets everyday or has my dad go to the store to get cake,ice cream cookies,you name it..And she wonders why she's over weight,learn a little fucking self control! *deep breath*

Okay I'm in bitch mode I can't help it I always feel so irritable and then on top of it my mom is the worst fucking human to live with. I need to move out soon, I didn't think I would be staying even this long but I've been tight on money lately. :( Life sucks sometimes.....

I really want to make a bracelet....

Oops..I did it again

I told myself that I wouldn't purge for the sake of my health but any time that I give in to eating something unhealthy, I over eat,I would't really call it a binge but more than I would allow myself to eat, and I absolutely cannot stand the feeling of being full, so I purge it all out. This is the third time this week that I have done it.

But I have to be thin...bones visible thin...

I cannot wait to see those beautiful lovely bones...hip bones,collar bones,rib bones,wrist bones,shoulder bones...you get the idea, I know many of you have this same craving and maybe I'm sick to say I'm glad you feel that way too, it means I'm not the only one who has these fantasies of rubbing my hands over the potruding bones and knowing that I am strong for having made it there, not many people can get to that place and I know I can, I've been there before, I will be there again.

Peace Love and Skinny Wishes to All